At some point, you may visit your loved ones and notice signs that they need more help than you had realized. Once you do, you may find yourself asking, “What now?”. It can be overwhelming to figure out what to do when your aging loved one needs more help. But there are a few tried-and-true suggestions that you can use when your parents need more help.
Noticing Your Parents Need More Help
When you live far away, it can be hard to visit your loved ones as often as you would like. Thankfully, the holidays usually bring many of us together with loved ones we haven’t seen in a while. As your parents age, these visits can become increasingly important.
As an adult child, you have a busy life full of your own obligations. It’s not uncommon to only get to see your parents once or twice a year. That’s why holiday visits can be so important. You may notice changes with things like home upkeep, hygiene, nutrition, cognition or memory, medication management, and mobility. When you don’t see your loved ones as often as others do, it can be easier to notice signs you parents need more help.
6 Tips for What To Do When Your Parents Need More Help
Noticing your parents need more help is only the first step. While recognizing signs can be challenging, you may feel like it’s more challenging to figure out what to do about it. These tried-and-true suggestions can help you navigate life when your parents need more help.
Ask Them Questions
The first thing you may want to do when you notice changes with your aging parents is to ask them questions. Two things are important when you start asking your loved one questions: be open ended and stay neutral.
Be Open Ended
You should try to avoid asking yes or no questions as much as possible. A yes or no question only gives you limited information. With an open ended question, you can hear more of the story. Instead of asking them if they take their medication, ask them how things are going with their medication.
Stay Neutral
It’s easy for questions to sound like accusations, especially when emotions are involved. If emotions are heightened, and your parents think you’re accusing them of something, you may find they become defensive. Approaching questions with curiosity can help you keep the conversation neutral.
Involve Them in the Conversation
Asking questions and staying neutral are all part of having a conversation. When you talk to your parents about the things you’re noticing, it’s important that it isn’t a confrontation. Your parent likely wants to feel like they can make their own decisions, control their own life, and keep their independence. Involving your parents in the conversation can empower them and remind everyone that you’re on the same team.
Offer Suggestions
When you involve your parents in the conversation about whether they need help, offer suggestions. By offering suggestions instead of telling them what has to happen, you can keep things open and help them feel like they have control of their own decisions. When your parents need more help, they may worry about being a burden to you. Beyond reassuring them that they aren’t a burden, suggesting ways they can get help on their own can help ease their worries. If you notice your parents are having a harder time keeping their house clean, you could decide to offer to clean it, but you could also make a suggestion that they consider hiring someone to clean for them every once in a while.
Plan for the Future
You’ve probably spent a lot of your adult life thinking about and planning for retirement. Your parents probably did too. Unfortunately, our retirement plans rarely include plans for senior living or what we want to happen if we ever need care or assistance. Thankfully, it’s never too late to make those plans.
Even if your parents don’t need assistance now, it’s worth knowing what they want in the future. You should consider asking them questions about whether or not they have ever considered moving to a senior living community, how they would feel about it, and if there is a community that they prefer. You should also ask them what they want if they ever need nursing home care.
Follow their wishes
Having a plan is only as good as it’s followed. Once you know what your parents want, it’s easier for you to follow their wishes. Sometimes, it isn’t possible to follow their wishes. For example, they may express to you that they never want to live in a nursing home. Unfortunately, there may come a day where it cannot be avoided. That doesn’t mean you aren’t following their wishes or should feel guilty. It’s important to balance their wishes with ensuring they have the appropriate care they need. When you discuss future plans with your parents, it can be helpful to discuss that you can follow them to the best of your ability but can’t guarantee that it will always go according to plan.
Find Resources
You don’t have to find help for your parents on your own. There are resources available to help you feel prepared to have these hard conversations with your parents, as well as identify ways to get the care or support they need.
The Ohio Masonic Communities Resource Center
At The Ohio Masonic Communities, our mission is to help our communities thrive, whether you choose to call or campuses home or not. Through The Ohio Masonic Communities Resource Center, we’re here to assist you and your parents with the resources you need to thrive. We can help with clinical, social, and financial needs, as well as make referrals to other community resources that can assist. If you or your loved one is looking for assistance, give us a call at 1 (877) 881-1623.
Talking to Your Parents about Warning Signs and Concerns
If you want to learn more about warning signs that your parents may need assistance, listen to this episode of Senior Living Today. Our experts are discussing the warning signs you should know, as well as sharing their best advice for how to approach your parents when you have concerns.
At The Ohio Masonic Communities, we want you to feel empowered and supported as your parents age. We have three senior living communities across the state of Ohio – Browning Masonic Community in Waterville, Ohio, Springfield Masonic Community in Springfield, Ohio, and Western Reserve Masonic Community in Medina, Ohio. If you are interested in learning more about our communities, or would like to connect with our resource center, give us a call at 1 (877) 881-1623 or contact us here.